Life, keeping my distance from him feels so strange...
I long to be close, yet I know I cannot...
I'm afraid that he will be afraid yet again...
He looked normal in school today when I met him at 9:00... He looked as if nothing even happened at all... So, I looked as if nothing happened too...
I felt ok... as if nothing had happened too...
But I know that deep inside... he left a vacuum in my heart that needs a friend to fill...
Why do AJs associate so well with gals? The reason, seem rather simple now....
Straight guys are afraid... to hang out with the queer lot, afraid to be branded as one themselves...
Some guy friends I know, are pretty much stronger and are not afraid to make friends with AJs, because they are confident in their own identity. These are the people who will go very far in life... because they do not let circumstances hinder them from socializing....
Anywayz, so, the AJs confide their troubles and sadness to gals, who seem to be rather close to AJs because :
1) They feel safer talking to AJs rather then straight guys (cause they know that no matter what, their intention can never be wrong)
2) Many a times, gals can indentify with situations that the AJs go through in life
3) AJs are interested in many things that only gals could possibly be interested in
4) AJs never bitch about gals
to the gals who read my blog, it would sound pretty strange, but I feel it that way... cos... I have far closer girl-friends that guy friends... except one... who... nevermind...
Life has pretty much rebounded and slapped me left and right in the face...
But its not going to stop me from changing and proving to the people that I can change...
Though many people do not support my decision, I will still go on to give God the glory...
Because, only He deserves all that I am doing for Him...
Seek ye first, the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness... And all these things shell be added unto you...
All I have left is my grouppy... because I know that they will still be around me and comforting me...
I really thank God for them...
Sonia, Jason, Sarah and... Timothy...
I havent eaten much for a long time now.. though I know I must eat to prevent my gastric returning, I... jus cant swallow much food...
My parents are screaming at me.... They know that if I continue to eat so little, I will be hospitalized soon... but... I just dont want to....
I ate a bun and a cup of mash potatoes for this whole day... and the half of yesterday...
I have another 8 hours left.
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